How to Spot Zombies

Who are the zombies? They're all around you, looking almost just like people. No pale, greyish skin, dark circles around their eyes and blood all over them. They can talk. They can drive cars. They most certainly can use cell phones. But they are there, numbering billions. The most zombified ones are in the so called civilized western world. 21st century high-tech zombies. Chances are, you're even one of them.

How can you tell who's a zombie and who isn't? You have to watch them carefully but if you do, there are many signs that give them away:

- they look empty, with no joy of life, no emotions, except occassional anger at random discomforts
- they are driven by their immediate desires, with no higher goals
- they talk a lot faster than they think
- they watch TV every day [that's what makes their brains corrode]
- they spend often hours a day talking on cellphones [that makes their brains corrode some more]
- the third thing they spend lots of time on, is roaming through supermarkets with leaflets in their hands, attacking shelves with discounted crap they don't need
- many of them believe the government and TV are telling them the truth [those are the really dangerous cases]
- they can't read a book but they can type SMS's incredibly fast
- they have email accounts on google, yahoo or hotmail
- they use facebook and twitter all the time
- they use cell phones to call somebody who is in the next room
- they do things that everybody else does
- they are good at imitating things but have zero creativity
- they think Federal Reserve notes are real money
- they believe in man-made global warming and other crap invented by idiots like Al Gore, without ever checking any facts
- they don't understand the word "research"
- they drink fluoridated water and aspartame-filled sodas and eat genetically modified food with lots of MSG and HFCS
- they think McDonald's actually sell real food
- they believe there is a large worldwide terrorist group called Al-Qaeda
- they believe oil is a fossil fuel and we'll run out of it soon so they have to pay the rich people lots of money for it
- they will do any kind of idiotic thing just because someone they consider an "authority" is telling them to [see Milgram Experiments]
- if you point any of these things out, they will spend exactly 0 seconds thinking and immediately start laughing, arguing with you or calling you crazy

Some of the things on the list may actually apply to YOU but don't worry [unless the last point fits you, then you're hopeless]. If you can actually spend a few seconds thinking about it, then there's a pretty good chance you might even be able to do something about it. Not about those other zombies you see, forget about them. It's pretty much too late to start saving them from themselves, unless you're properly dezombified yourself and know exactly what to do. Dezombifying yourself is something you CAN do. You could start by doing your own research on the things that define zombies and making sure you don't end up like them.

The Haunted Klinik Dezombification Centre is here to help.

VotN, 2011
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